Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
