I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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