A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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