i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
