Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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