No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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