I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
