Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
