I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
