Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
