he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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