It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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