none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
