We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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