does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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