Small penises have feelings too.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
