...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
