Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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