help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
