dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
