this boner is exhausting
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
