I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
