I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
