Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
