we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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