Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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