Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
