So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
