I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
