i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
