Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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