Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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