New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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