At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
