im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
