i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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