I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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