Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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