8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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