I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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