I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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