Jerry, you need to find god
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
