you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
