Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize