Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
