I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
