I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
