shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
