Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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