i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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