did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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