Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
