Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
