This is not my ceiling
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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