I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
