So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
