he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
