Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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