Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
