Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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