you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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