Where is the hickey?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
