i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
