omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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