Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
