i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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