can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
