There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
