Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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