Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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