i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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