Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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