But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
