3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
