one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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