Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
