Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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