I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
