You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
