hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
