ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
