another moral hangover. fuck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
