I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
