Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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