You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize