I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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