Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
