So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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