Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
