Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize