im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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