she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
