Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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